I don’t like seeing people hurt, especially my friends. I will go out of my way to attempt to improve the lives of those who I care about. If someone is sad, I will try and make them happy. If someone is scared, I will try and calm them. It’s in my nature to help the people around me.
But what do you do when the people you’re trying to help aren’t making any effort themselves? People refusing to seek help from the right people, or not taking their meds or behaving in a self destructive manner. I am starting to lose my faith in my abilities to help, because those that I seek to aid often get nothing from it.
Time to sound a little bit selfish here, too. People know how I am at the moment. People know I’m under stress and I’m sad. But I keep trying my best to help anyone who needs it. Where do I draw the line, though, when people don’t seem to be getting anything from my help, and are causing me stress and upset in the process, and are doing nothing to help me.
I want to help people, but at the same time, I want to get better, and in order for that to happen I need people to help me. ‘When we can’t run, we walk. When we can’t walk, we find someone to carry us.’ Got news for ya, folks. I keep falling.
I want to get better so I stop feeling selfish like this. I want to go back to having nearly limitless patience with people and being able to do whatever my friends need from me, whenever. I want to help there to be less sadness in the world, and though it feels selfish, the first bit of sadness I want to rid the world of is my own.
On another, more cheerful note, I had a good time at ‘s birthday celebrations tonight.
Also, I owe a hell of a lot for the support he’s been providing me with recently. Same goes for Simon. Thanks guys, you’re the best. Oh, ok, and you. And you. Yeah, you’re all the best.