Currently, all I’m doing is trying. The most monumental thing I’ve actually achieved recently is finishing Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. I’m trying to learn to draw. I’m trying to complete the ECDL (European Computer Driving License). I’m trying to declutter and tidy up my bedroom. I’m trying to sort my finances out. I’m trying to regain my old figure. I’m trying to be a thoughtful, clean and considerate housemate, an excellent friend and a perfect girlfriend. I’m trying to maintain my mediocre writing skills, and even to improve them. I’m trying to keep up on current affairs. I’m trying to lose the black dog. I’m trying to remember everything else I’m trying to do in order to list them here.
That’s a lot of things to try and do every day.
Consequently, days like today happen. I had a very small number of things that were vital for me to do this morning – an appointment to attend being the cruicial one. However, after waking up, my brain got stuck in the wrong gear, and started to focus on the fact that today, I am unlikely to achieve anything on my very long list. I began thinking about how little energy I have and how much of that it takes to walk to town and take an ECDL exam, then to meet my boyfriend and make him smile.
The panic of whether or not I’ll ever achieve anything set in. My last real achievement was in 2008, passing my A-Levels and getting into Lancaster University. Since then, my life has been strewn with failures at every step.
So, instead of getting out of bed and making sure that my ECDL isn’t another one of those failures, I spent two and a half hours reading back on the twitter feed on my phone.
I’m trying to stop doing things like that. Looks like I need to try harder.
I’ve lost the thread of this post. I’m not sure where I was going with it anymore.