Last night, I put on my best reasonable voice and tried to make a compromise with my brain.

Me – Hey brain, I know you’ve been getting a huge kick out of the whole experiment where you test how many nights in a row you can let me have three to four hours sleep…

Brain – Yeah, you’re surprisingly resilient but I do think I can feel the sanity gnawers getting through the walls now.

Me – That’s great, but listen. You know the pre-release we’ve been looking forward to? Well Imm-

Brain – Woo, yeah! Zombies, vampires and werewolves, oh my!

Me – Please, just shut up and listen. Ok, good. As I was saying, Immune System has let us down and allowed illness into the body.

Brain – Damn that traitorous scumbag!

Me – As we both know, Throat and Chest have never been great at fighting off illness by themselves, so we’re going to need to help out in any way possible.

Brain – Yes! We’ll buy lemsip and strepsils and keep tissues in every pocket!

Me – As useful as all of those things are, one of the most helpful things is plenty of rest. Nice, deep, healing sleep. So, I was wondering if we could have some. Just Friday night, before the pre-release. You can continue the sleep deprivation torture experiments afterwards, but we need to be awake and also alive enough on Saturday to build a deck and play upwards of six matches with it.

Brain – While I see your point, giving you any extra sleep now would throw the schedule of your eventual descent into insanity way out of whack.

Me – There might be prizes, Brain. Extra boosters. More lovely Magic cards. How does that sound?

Brain – Hah, don’t try to appeal to my competitiveness. We both know you’re too rubbish to win prizes anyway. My answer is no!

Me – But…please?

Brain – Nope. Oh look, it’s 4.40am and that means time for you to wake up!

Me – *Throws self off a cliff*


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