Living is easy with eyes closed

So, hope. It’s a bitch. This may seem like a strange statement but if I didn’t have hope, life would be easy. I could lay down and give up, and there’d be nothing there to stop me. As it is, there is something stopping me. That annoying little voice in the back of my head telling me that one day, my life will be as I want it. One day I will have the life I want.

But it seems sometimes like I’ll never get there. I’ll never meet the guy I’m supposed to be with, I’ll never get the job that’ll make me happy. I’ll never complete a degree. I’ll never make it. I really feel like it’s inconceivable for me to ever achieve any of the things that I want out of life. But I can’t stop hoping for them to happen. I even have short term hopes.

It’s really very frustrating. I hope so much that I’ll eventually get all the things that I believe will make my life good – a man who makes me smile, a job that is interesting and friends who love me – but I do not have a single ounce of belief that it’ll ever happen. I hope but don’t believe.

Do you see the difference, Live Journal? And can you tell me what will help?


Writer’s Block: Happy go lucky

I used to think that some people were just luckier than others, that some people just had a higher roll of the dice than others. Then I got older, and my views shifted. I began to think that ‘luck’ wasn’t really a thing, so to speak, it was people who carved their own paths through life, and the things they did and the actions that they took were what influenced their ‘luck’. Karma, so to speak.

Now though, my views have shifted again. A friend of mine, someone very wise, gave me some good advice when I was feeling low.
Disequilibrium is life’s natural state. When you feel like you’re having bad luck, it’s because your life is shifting and changing, and the universe is trying to restore balance and normality.

Some people belive in luck – that’s their call. These days I just think that everything needs some kind of balance.