I am a fool, also a cat.

On the 10th, I made a post ranting about November game releases. One of the games I talked about at length was Diablo 3. However, despite fact-checking pretty much everything else, I was so certain in my knowledge about the release date of the game that I didn’t look it up.

It turns out that this was a massive mistake and Diablo 3 isn’t actually going to be released until summer 2012, and will be in beta until then. Where I got the idea that it was going to come out yesterday, I haven’t got a clue, but I was wrong.

I’m sorry if the previous post caused any confusion, disappointment, or anything else. My boyfriend was certainly quite miffed, what with being a huge fan of the Diablo series.

As for Skyrim first impressions – oh gosh yes. Less of what was a bit hand-holdy and ‘let’s just put some fantasy tropes in a pretty land’ about Oblivion, more of the atmosphere and tension from Morrowind.

It makes me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry.

Sometimes, I see something that genuinely angers me. Most of you reading this journal will know me fairly well, and will know that I don’t really do ‘being angry’. But, believe it or not, it does occasionally happen.  The most recent thing to agitate me is this website:


Now, I consider myself to be  a very tolerant person. I accept that different people have different religious beliefs and that sure, a Christian may well believe that I will go to hell for having pre-marital sex and not going to church on Sundays. What I find it very difficult to accept, and the main thing that has me so riled up is the sheer close-mindedness of some of these ‘fundies’ (religious fundamentalists). Not only close mindedness but also sheer stupidity. Take this for an example.

"Are… are you now disputing the existance of DNA???"

Yes. DNA can never be proven. Evolutionists are obsessed with it because they always say ”chimps share 97% DNA with modern man” etc. That’s great, however you would then need to prove DNA is real.

This, surely, is bordering on nihilistic philosophy – "’How do you prove the chair you’re sitting on is real?’ ‘What chair?’". I, as a semi-educated and vaguely intelligent individual cannot begin to fathom how a person can reject the existence of DNA, ignore all the evidence that they are wrong, and obstinately use it as a basis to argue against evolution as a fundamental process. 

Let’s take another example from the website.

Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-Dung, Adolph Hitler and Pol Pot are all tyrannical megalomaniacs who together killed more than 100 MILLION human beings in less than 50 years.
All have one thing in common besides breathing air:
They held EVOLUTION to be a fact

Anyone with even a modicum of common sense can see the huge logical fallacy here, or is it just me? How can this person even consider drawing a cause-effect relationship here? Two completely unrelated things cannot be said to be linked in this way!

I could go on, but I imagine that you will all come to very similar conclusions as I have. It scares me very much that people like this exist in our world. I don’t mind their beliefs, it’s the blinkers and stubbornness that worries me, their complete lack of respect for anyone else’s views and beliefs. I want to put a message here about how tolerance is so important, but I’m too angry to articulate a positive sentence so I’ll leave it at that.

One step forward, two steps back.

So, I was feeling pretty proud of myself a few days ago. I’ve been feeling a whole lot worse than I’ve felt in quite a long time recently and I think I worked out why. I was suffering for a few days from a stomach upset of some kind, meaning that everything was evacuating my system super quick. This included my anti-depressants, meaning that I’ve had no new stuff going into my system for however long I was ill for, and what was already built up in my system has been slowly reducing in power. That infect was increased by the decongestants I’ve been taking to get rid of the horrendous cough/cold thing I’ve got, which make antidepressants less effective.

So I’ve been very low recently. I managed to hold off for some time, keeping strong and keeping myself safe from harm. But this morning I couldn’t get out of bed. It was an impossible task. I weighed a hundred tons, my insides made of lead, crushing in on myself. So I had to do something. I had to do SOMETHING to make the day possible to face. So I did it. I did something that I was so proud of not doing just a few days ago. And it let me get out of bed. It let me get dressed and go out and face the day. But now I feel so guilty. So small and so insignificant. So pathetic. Worthless and a waste of time and effort. My friends try so hard to keep me happy and sane and I go and let them down this way. I never, ever wanted to do it – I never wanted to let you all down. I feel like a phoney and a fraud for accepting the praise from my post the other day.

So this post is to say sorry. Sorry to everyone I let down. Sorry to everyone who is disappointed in me. Sorry to everyone who tried to help me and now feels like their time and effort have been wasted.

I don’t deserve you as my friends and family.